Slick Stuff: The Big DAY! Finally! Hurray!

(longish post here. Very sentimental and sappy, so for those who don't care, just skip this one.)

I'm not sure how to write this post without saying too much,

without saying enough

being able to express myself adequately enough.

It's hard to be a mom and that's the bottom line for this post.

The year 2013 was a LONG one in many ways for me.

I had a lot of BIG, HARD things going on that if I dwelt on for too long would physically cause me to fall into a heap. Sometimes I would wake up in the morning and feel like I was living someone else's life.

I had been good.

Trials like this weren't supposed to happen to me. Of course I'm not naïve enough to know that we're all supposed to have trials but I was feeling like I was having my fair share.

Enough already! Please!

If you remember that back on January 25th Jeff and I picked up Maryn at her school and took her to a special private school in West Jordan. She was finding herself in some situations that she couldn't get herself out of. She needed some saving and to be literally picked up and taken out of these situations. It really was divine intervention that occurred on that Friday, January 25th. Looking back I know that now more than anything.

As we drove up to the school I was bawling. Maryn was bawling. She sort of knew what was about to happen. Ten months seemed like an eternity. I felt guilt. I felt like the worst mom on the planet. But as we said our tearful good-byes, Maryn hugged us she said, "thank you" probably not knowing why she was saying thank you but knowing that some big, positive changes were happening in her life.

I cried for the rest of the weekend because living without my Maryn seemed impossible.

I hurt for her because she would be in a strange place with strange people. I hurt for me because moms are supposed to be able to save their children. I couldn't.

But Heavenly Father had a plan that none of us could see yet and it was a plan that was part of THE plan.

Maryn lived at this school, went to church, seminary, Young Women's, lots of classes and workshops and counseling. It was full of all the important stuff I wanted for her.

It wasn't until 3 long weeks later that Jeff and I got to see her.

It wasn't until 3 months later that she saw her siblings.

She worked really really hard emotionally.

She had a lot of life crap that had been thrown at her that wasn't really her fault that she had to work through.

Life's not fair but we just have to deal with it. And she did.

She learned awesome stuff that all teenagers need to learn.

She learned about communication and accountability.

She learned about taking responsibility and entitlement.

She learned about divorce. She learned about loving people that we don't understand or are different from us. She grew. Her heart grew. Her eyes became bigger. Her testimony became solid.

She learned SO much!

I was so proud of the tears and the sweat and the walls that came down.

We had sessions once a week for the entire 10 months together. There were many tears and hugs and love and work that went into these sessions. It was a time of growth, coming together and breaking down.

I LOVED Maryn so much during this time.

She realized that she is in control of her life and can create whatever story she wants for herself.

My favorite part was that she LOVED ME. She appreciated me. She missed me. She needed me. She wanted me.

Around the middle of July Maryn could come home for the weekends. We loved these times with her. She loved being home. She had no distractions and could just BE with us.

Towards the end of October Maryn got to come home all the time and I drove her to school in the morning and picked her up in the evenings. A few days I was driving to her school 3 times in a day because she was still playing on her volleyball team. This girl was very time consuming but I wouldn't have it any other way.

The day finally came for Maryn's graduation from her school.

It was a HAPPY day.

It was a day of mixed emotions because I had come to love all the people who had loved my daughter and helped her so much. These people had helped her through the process of growing and changing.

Isn't it funny how going into the dark tunnel life seems hopeless and LONG and then on the other side of the tunnel we are SO GRATEFUL for the growth and the struggle and the experience and it wasn't that long after all. We are filled with LOVE and gratitude for the experience.

The graduation was held in the chapel at her school.

After a slide show of lots of pictures of Maryn, each girl got to get up and give advise or reasons why they loved Maryn. It was heart-felt and really special.

This missionary couple were the ones who convinced me through the Spirit that this school was THE right place for Maryn. In meeting them on our tour they said, "no one will love your daughter like we will." Over the past 10 months I saw that that was true. They saw her every day, gave her blessings, hugged her, had daily devotionals with her. They were SO special. I will forever be grateful for the mission they served in loving my Maryn.

Then the family got to talk to Maryn and express love.
It was a tender time for me to hear nice words expressed.

Marianne was there and shared some great feelings and hugs.

Emmy.

Maryn's Young Women's advisor in our ward came and shared some thoughts too.

Grandma had to start me off crying.

Grandpa was a proud grandpa too.

Sheeze, then I get up and cry like a baby. I wanted to stand and look at the other 20 girls and talk to them. I had grown to love them all so much. They always came to hug me when I was at the school. A few girls asked if I would adopt them. My heart was sad for their lack of motherly love and I wanted to take them all and bring them home with me. I would miss them too.

But, mostly my eyes were watery at the new love and respect I had for my daughter, Maryn!

I LOVE LOVE LOVE this girl SO much! She has grown SO much during this time. She's a beauty and the world is hers for the taking!

This is Shawna, Maryn's counselor for the whole experience. I grew to love her so much because she loved Maryn. She was insightful and helpful and knew Maryn so well. So much could be said about this great lady but I knew I would miss Shawna the most. I'm the mom that cries when I say good-bye to teachers at the end of the year for the time that they gave to my child. Well, I cried twice as hard at saying bye to Shawna. She was my friend too.

Then, Maryn got an awesome certificate and medal and said some words at the end.

We brought some chips and salsa to share and Texas Chocolate Sheetcake that got devoured.

Then, all of us went to IHOP for breakfast since it was only 10:00 in the morning.
But we had to celebrate.

Maryn brought Marissa, her friend from school.
She brought her for moral support because after this breakfast we went to Riverton high school where Maryn registered for her new school and new chapter in life.
She was a nervous wreck.
She had diarrhea and tummy troubles and twitching eyes and everything.
Going from a small, very controlled and structured school with lots of rules now going to a humongous 5A school with a trillion teachers and classes and a building the size of Texas.

I knew Maryn would be fine at her new school.
I told her I would give her 2 days to be fine because that's the kind of person she is..
Grandpa gave her an amazingly awesome blessing the Sunday before and guess what?
After the first day of school I asked Maryn how she rated her day on a scale of 1 to 10?
She rated it a 10.

I knew it!
Nothing is too big and hard for this girl.
She's awesome and amazing!
Love having her home.
Just so you know, she's still a regular teenager with an attitude and sass, but she's a way better version of herself. The temptations and wacky things are still around that were around before, but she's aware now. She has no desire to go back to the way things were. She loves herself and knows she is worth it!

Love her!
(I'm trying to pose like her, but it's not quite as cute as she does it.)